I understand what you’re saying. But to be honest what I want (need no) are amazing friends. Period. I don’t need a man or an intimate relationship. As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to appreciate and love being alone. I do not suffer from loneliness. I do not waste time longing for an intimate relationship.
Am I open to one. Yes. Always.
Do I need one. No.
Friendships are where it’s at. And even those are hard to find and maintain.
But my time alone is precious and sacred and what I need and crave and have made a priority.
It’s time to stop trying to make women feel there is something wrong when we don’t want a man in our lives. It’s time to normalize women being on their own.
This post is such a powerful reminder for women (and men!). I was raised by a mother and grandmother who didn’t have financial freedom or access to the kind of education or autonomy that would’ve allowed them to leave relationships that weren’t aligned. So from early on, I was taught to be independent, to do it all on my own, and to never need a man.
But that message, while protective, took root in ways that later held me back. I became overly self-reliant, convinced I had to carry everything alone, and that a man could never truly support me in the ways I longed for. It’s taken time, reflection, and unlearning to realize how much of that narrative was shaped by fear, not truth.
Now, I’m in a deeply fulfilling relationship with the kind of man you speak about — someone who supports me in the way I need, who uplifts my voice. I've learned to soften, to trust interdependence, and to open my heart to a good man - and it's been transformative.
Thank you for being a voice for this kind of partnership, and for reminding us that healthy love always expands us. We need more examples of what’s possible when growth, honesty, and an open heart meet. Sending hug from Lisbon x
Thank you so much for sharing! So happy to hear you were able to soften, open up further, and relax into your relationship... and that you can now differentiate the messaging!
I see some of what you are trying to say here - of course women shouldn't be terrified of men, but that doesn't mean you should be told you "need one". After exiting a 29-year relationship with a man, I'm over-the-moon thrilled to be on my own. Just because I'm not "with one" doesn't mean I'm afraid of them - I absolutely love men, and women, and people generally - and how I choose to relate is based on what works best for me, not what someone prescribes for me. I'd like us to see ourselves expanding the narrative beyond traditional pair bonding and more toward community connection. I felt very isolated in my marriage for a long time - I have more love and peace in my life now than I ever did partnered, to the point where I'm seriously questioning the nuclear family model. Rhaina Cohen has a great book called "The Other Significant Others" which is excellent and speaks into much of this evolution that is already underway.
There's absolutely truth to what you're saying -- and I think it can be clearly implied from my language in the publication that I do not think a relationship is required to validate your value, but rather that we do need relationships. (open to feedback if this wasn't clear) But relationships of all kinds are important -- as you mentioned. The harvard study on adult development speaks to this -- highly recommend. And happy to hear you exited a relationship that seems to have isolated you. Community is what matters -- and as the saying goes -- the opposite of addiction is connection. Very important.
Thanks Mark, I'm aware of that study too. Re feedback - the title you chose says "You DO need a man", not that you DO need relationships or you DO need community. I think we'd ALL (MEN and WOMEN) benefit from the narrative of community more than "needing a man" (or woman?) - I think it's this messaging that's kept so many hyper-focused on finding a mate vs building an entire community network that remains despite whether you're in a partership. A lot of Esther Perel's work references the issue of making one other person the source of everything for you - I think broadening of the narrative gets us to where we should be far faster than titles like the one you chose.
I appreciate your outlook, and I affirm that through my decades of healing I have consciously opened space in my heart and home recently to allow for a welcomed curious partnership to form into a shape only the two us can willingly create. May it be so .
Yes 🙌 and reminds me of when I first met my husband we watched when Harry met sally and I very clearly stated I don’t ever want to get married - never want to depend on a man was the root of it. And here I am in relationship and wish could count on and rely on my man more. I relate to the things u shared about not leaving mine for deeper wounded reasons that I am acknowledging and sitting with creating more capacity in my system for others fuckery so I can do what I need for healing. As always thank u for sharing ur wisdom Mark. So grateful to have connected with h and the community u created. 💚
Completely agree and love your work Mark. I recently wrote a piece about The Silent War on Men - I believe the female empowerment movement has gone too far in the sense that many women are now blaming everything on men and the patriarchy, which is not stemming from healing, but is a trauma response. The masculine is under attack and we need the healthy, embodied masculine more than ever.
Mark, your title is bold and attention-grabbing. As I read, I hear the subtler message underneath it. And while I agree with some commenters, that the traditional man/woman relationship isn't for everyone, and that not everyone feels they need a partner at all, in general there is greater balance in the interdependence between the healthy masculine energy and healthy feminine energy. We can find that within us, and we can find it in community. Personally, I've lived most of my life being fiercely independent because of my own childhood conditioning, trauma, and circumstances. However, more recently I learned to receive. And I finally got to experience what it was like to have someone else carry part of the burdens of life. I do not believe I need a man to survive but I would prefer to have a healthy man to partner with me to thrive.
Yes…AND…I’m still scared to “need” one again. My 24-year relationship ended with him cheating & leaving. My next serious relationship ended when he stopped taking care of his mental health and assaulted me. I kinda do think I am better off single. 🤷♀️
So much yes, let us come together in new healthy ways in togetherness, love and sacred union, for humanity’s sake 🙏🏽♥️
Amen!
I understand what you’re saying. But to be honest what I want (need no) are amazing friends. Period. I don’t need a man or an intimate relationship. As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to appreciate and love being alone. I do not suffer from loneliness. I do not waste time longing for an intimate relationship.
Am I open to one. Yes. Always.
Do I need one. No.
Friendships are where it’s at. And even those are hard to find and maintain.
But my time alone is precious and sacred and what I need and crave and have made a priority.
It’s time to stop trying to make women feel there is something wrong when we don’t want a man in our lives. It’s time to normalize women being on their own.
This post is such a powerful reminder for women (and men!). I was raised by a mother and grandmother who didn’t have financial freedom or access to the kind of education or autonomy that would’ve allowed them to leave relationships that weren’t aligned. So from early on, I was taught to be independent, to do it all on my own, and to never need a man.
But that message, while protective, took root in ways that later held me back. I became overly self-reliant, convinced I had to carry everything alone, and that a man could never truly support me in the ways I longed for. It’s taken time, reflection, and unlearning to realize how much of that narrative was shaped by fear, not truth.
Now, I’m in a deeply fulfilling relationship with the kind of man you speak about — someone who supports me in the way I need, who uplifts my voice. I've learned to soften, to trust interdependence, and to open my heart to a good man - and it's been transformative.
Thank you for being a voice for this kind of partnership, and for reminding us that healthy love always expands us. We need more examples of what’s possible when growth, honesty, and an open heart meet. Sending hug from Lisbon x
Thank you so much for sharing! So happy to hear you were able to soften, open up further, and relax into your relationship... and that you can now differentiate the messaging!
I see some of what you are trying to say here - of course women shouldn't be terrified of men, but that doesn't mean you should be told you "need one". After exiting a 29-year relationship with a man, I'm over-the-moon thrilled to be on my own. Just because I'm not "with one" doesn't mean I'm afraid of them - I absolutely love men, and women, and people generally - and how I choose to relate is based on what works best for me, not what someone prescribes for me. I'd like us to see ourselves expanding the narrative beyond traditional pair bonding and more toward community connection. I felt very isolated in my marriage for a long time - I have more love and peace in my life now than I ever did partnered, to the point where I'm seriously questioning the nuclear family model. Rhaina Cohen has a great book called "The Other Significant Others" which is excellent and speaks into much of this evolution that is already underway.
There's absolutely truth to what you're saying -- and I think it can be clearly implied from my language in the publication that I do not think a relationship is required to validate your value, but rather that we do need relationships. (open to feedback if this wasn't clear) But relationships of all kinds are important -- as you mentioned. The harvard study on adult development speaks to this -- highly recommend. And happy to hear you exited a relationship that seems to have isolated you. Community is what matters -- and as the saying goes -- the opposite of addiction is connection. Very important.
Thanks Mark, I'm aware of that study too. Re feedback - the title you chose says "You DO need a man", not that you DO need relationships or you DO need community. I think we'd ALL (MEN and WOMEN) benefit from the narrative of community more than "needing a man" (or woman?) - I think it's this messaging that's kept so many hyper-focused on finding a mate vs building an entire community network that remains despite whether you're in a partership. A lot of Esther Perel's work references the issue of making one other person the source of everything for you - I think broadening of the narrative gets us to where we should be far faster than titles like the one you chose.
I appreciate your outlook, and I affirm that through my decades of healing I have consciously opened space in my heart and home recently to allow for a welcomed curious partnership to form into a shape only the two us can willingly create. May it be so .
May it be so :)
Yes 🙌 and reminds me of when I first met my husband we watched when Harry met sally and I very clearly stated I don’t ever want to get married - never want to depend on a man was the root of it. And here I am in relationship and wish could count on and rely on my man more. I relate to the things u shared about not leaving mine for deeper wounded reasons that I am acknowledging and sitting with creating more capacity in my system for others fuckery so I can do what I need for healing. As always thank u for sharing ur wisdom Mark. So grateful to have connected with h and the community u created. 💚
Sending love Maria!
Completely agree and love your work Mark. I recently wrote a piece about The Silent War on Men - I believe the female empowerment movement has gone too far in the sense that many women are now blaming everything on men and the patriarchy, which is not stemming from healing, but is a trauma response. The masculine is under attack and we need the healthy, embodied masculine more than ever.
https://open.substack.com/pub/hegekristoffersen/p/the-silent-war-on-men?r=2n192u&utm_medium=ios
Beautiful! thank you for sharing!
True true true! 💯🫶🏻
This is so spot on! Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for reading!
I love this 🤗
Mark, your title is bold and attention-grabbing. As I read, I hear the subtler message underneath it. And while I agree with some commenters, that the traditional man/woman relationship isn't for everyone, and that not everyone feels they need a partner at all, in general there is greater balance in the interdependence between the healthy masculine energy and healthy feminine energy. We can find that within us, and we can find it in community. Personally, I've lived most of my life being fiercely independent because of my own childhood conditioning, trauma, and circumstances. However, more recently I learned to receive. And I finally got to experience what it was like to have someone else carry part of the burdens of life. I do not believe I need a man to survive but I would prefer to have a healthy man to partner with me to thrive.
Yes…AND…I’m still scared to “need” one again. My 24-year relationship ended with him cheating & leaving. My next serious relationship ended when he stopped taking care of his mental health and assaulted me. I kinda do think I am better off single. 🤷♀️