Man, this might be one of the bravest articles written in the last decade. Mark - this is absolute truth, and the subtle nuance you’re talking about resonates with this reader strongly.
Somewhere along the way, it became cooler to not-listen to all sides’ perspectives before judging and reviling ‘the other side’. Along with making nuance great again, let’s also make *actual* acceptance of differing perspectives great again.
By adding a genuine willingness to (1) listen, and (2) to sit in momentary discomfort without giving into the fear reflex that tries to tell us we’ll be stuck in that discomfort forever, we open ourselves to that possibility again… the possibility of receptivity to nuance, and to hearing where others are coming from.
Others having a different perspective from you does not threaten your own perspective.
Appreciate you taking the time to lay this issue out so plainly in your article. This is one I will be pointing to / referencing in future articles that need it.
Thanks for being You in this life. One friend here in GA who hopes you will continue doing so, and takes inspiration from your example. 💙
Thank you! This is exactly what my ex-husband does. He plays the victim and manipulates and degrades others to make himself look good when he cannot himself be authentic and honest and trustworthy and and and…
Thank you, Mark. I'm sure you felt emotional writing that. I know I've managed to speak my truth when the words affect me. As you pointed out, it isn't easy to be definite and in integrity at the same time, if communication is the goal.
I've observed the inauthenticity you highlight. I had to figure out why my summary of universal human values didn't match the lists that others trumpeted. And I was sure I was near enough right. I'd researched it deeply enough - I thought.
But people don't broadcast their values when asked - if they even know them, which is doubtful. They post their aspirations, which as you noted simply mirror the passions of the moment in their communities. Justice, DEI, equality - and what? Sword wielding women ascending? Indeed.
Those are all good things, and are aspects of broader, universal principles. But people don't march in the street for them, they stay home and watch the match or Dancing with Celebrities.
Claiming other priorities is just BS.
We're not motivated to give everything we own to those without, until we've sufficient Comfort, Separateness, and Control ourselves - however we define those things. And just as Steve Jobs illuminated in that address he gave: no one can connect the dots going forward, but they can do it looking back. The principles we think matter stand out in the actions we take, so reflecting on why we did them tells us what we really valued in those moments.
Wow. I love this comment and your words. Thank you for sharing your insights and thoughts. It's must easier to trust people who are honest about the nuances of their own views as well as the curiosity to understand another's.
This is such a good and valuable read! Thank you for doing your part Mark. It’s disheartening to see how many people fold to the opinion of the majority without critical thinking in order to subconsciously reap the rewards of perceived virtue and belonging.
I believe the solution lies in all of us connecting deeply to ourselves through silence and stillness, spending time in solitude to connect to the self in order to connect to our authenticity and truth. More and more people are doing this thankfully ✨ Great piece
Great article. I have found myself thrown out of the “herd” so many times in my life, especially in work environments. Simply for having an opinion and voicing that opinion. Nodody likes a truth teller no matter what the truth is. If belonging means selling your soul I’d rather not belong. Ironically by more people taking that stance, we’d actually all be a lot closer.
I’ve discovered that embracing authenticity is more compelling than ever, especially with so much at stake.
The transformational growth I’ve experienced has been remarkable. For instance, I’ve moved away from seeking external validation; my motivations are now intrinsically aligned with my core sense of self, which has been rigorously tested.
It’s often said that intense life experiences are what distinguish the conventional from the extraordinary, and I truly believe that now.
I've noticed that people who call out "virtue signaling" tend to not understand that some people genuinely do care. They assume everyone else is faking care, because that's what they do.
So far, I've never met a decent person who rants about virtue signaling.
Hey Mark, I generally love your writing and your ability to have real, nuanced conversations. I discovered you many years back and I’m super fond of your podcast.
I wonder how we apply the findings of the study you cited to marginalized groups. With the findings of the victim virtue signaling, my interpretation is that anyone who calls out an injustice that they or their group experiences could be dismissed for victimizing themselves. That feels like that puts people in a catch-22. For example, if I vocalize/call attention to my conditions, I am enabling my own victimization…Am I interpreting that fairly?
How does this mindset apply to an impoverished community advocating for clean drinking water or Black women calling out disparities within the US medical system or victims of domestic assault highlighting systemic flaws in the criminal justice system? I cite these examples because they are situations in which the victim(s) must persistently produce more and more “evidence” to advocate for themselves in systems that were generally created to ignore or undermine them. They require access to power to affect change.
Again, I totally agree with you. At the end of the day, we are our own vessels of change and that change starts with ourselves and ourselves only. I’m just trying to grapple with applying this to situation I’ve witnessed in which actual victims of [insert situation] must advocate for themselves in way which might be viewed as persistent, repetitive, and sometimes seemingly “redundant” or “annoying” manner. Thanks for creating space for these conversations.
Man, this might be one of the bravest articles written in the last decade. Mark - this is absolute truth, and the subtle nuance you’re talking about resonates with this reader strongly.
Somewhere along the way, it became cooler to not-listen to all sides’ perspectives before judging and reviling ‘the other side’. Along with making nuance great again, let’s also make *actual* acceptance of differing perspectives great again.
By adding a genuine willingness to (1) listen, and (2) to sit in momentary discomfort without giving into the fear reflex that tries to tell us we’ll be stuck in that discomfort forever, we open ourselves to that possibility again… the possibility of receptivity to nuance, and to hearing where others are coming from.
Others having a different perspective from you does not threaten your own perspective.
Appreciate you taking the time to lay this issue out so plainly in your article. This is one I will be pointing to / referencing in future articles that need it.
Thanks for being You in this life. One friend here in GA who hopes you will continue doing so, and takes inspiration from your example. 💙
Beautifully stated! Love a good friend in GA :)
Thank you! This is exactly what my ex-husband does. He plays the victim and manipulates and degrades others to make himself look good when he cannot himself be authentic and honest and trustworthy and and and…
Good morning Mark. This is a powerful message, Thank you for sharing.💙
🔥🔥🔥What a VALUABLE read...!!!
I'm in
Thank you, Mark. I'm sure you felt emotional writing that. I know I've managed to speak my truth when the words affect me. As you pointed out, it isn't easy to be definite and in integrity at the same time, if communication is the goal.
I've observed the inauthenticity you highlight. I had to figure out why my summary of universal human values didn't match the lists that others trumpeted. And I was sure I was near enough right. I'd researched it deeply enough - I thought.
But people don't broadcast their values when asked - if they even know them, which is doubtful. They post their aspirations, which as you noted simply mirror the passions of the moment in their communities. Justice, DEI, equality - and what? Sword wielding women ascending? Indeed.
Those are all good things, and are aspects of broader, universal principles. But people don't march in the street for them, they stay home and watch the match or Dancing with Celebrities.
Claiming other priorities is just BS.
We're not motivated to give everything we own to those without, until we've sufficient Comfort, Separateness, and Control ourselves - however we define those things. And just as Steve Jobs illuminated in that address he gave: no one can connect the dots going forward, but they can do it looking back. The principles we think matter stand out in the actions we take, so reflecting on why we did them tells us what we really valued in those moments.
Go. I'm following.
Wow. I love this comment and your words. Thank you for sharing your insights and thoughts. It's must easier to trust people who are honest about the nuances of their own views as well as the curiosity to understand another's.
I hope you have a beautiful day!
This is such a good and valuable read! Thank you for doing your part Mark. It’s disheartening to see how many people fold to the opinion of the majority without critical thinking in order to subconsciously reap the rewards of perceived virtue and belonging.
I believe the solution lies in all of us connecting deeply to ourselves through silence and stillness, spending time in solitude to connect to the self in order to connect to our authenticity and truth. More and more people are doing this thankfully ✨ Great piece
Thank you so much for reading it! And leaving a comment. Much appreciated!
Yes! I‘m so done with self-censorship and the cult of relatable. Thanks for your voice, Mark.
Thanks Dana! So agreed. The quicker we can be done with it the quicker we can create a bridge back to one another.
🍒👏🏼🖖🏼🫶🏼
Really powerful, thank you!
Great article. I have found myself thrown out of the “herd” so many times in my life, especially in work environments. Simply for having an opinion and voicing that opinion. Nodody likes a truth teller no matter what the truth is. If belonging means selling your soul I’d rather not belong. Ironically by more people taking that stance, we’d actually all be a lot closer.
I’ve discovered that embracing authenticity is more compelling than ever, especially with so much at stake.
The transformational growth I’ve experienced has been remarkable. For instance, I’ve moved away from seeking external validation; my motivations are now intrinsically aligned with my core sense of self, which has been rigorously tested.
It’s often said that intense life experiences are what distinguish the conventional from the extraordinary, and I truly believe that now.
I've noticed that people who call out "virtue signaling" tend to not understand that some people genuinely do care. They assume everyone else is faking care, because that's what they do.
So far, I've never met a decent person who rants about virtue signaling.
Hey Mark, I generally love your writing and your ability to have real, nuanced conversations. I discovered you many years back and I’m super fond of your podcast.
I wonder how we apply the findings of the study you cited to marginalized groups. With the findings of the victim virtue signaling, my interpretation is that anyone who calls out an injustice that they or their group experiences could be dismissed for victimizing themselves. That feels like that puts people in a catch-22. For example, if I vocalize/call attention to my conditions, I am enabling my own victimization…Am I interpreting that fairly?
How does this mindset apply to an impoverished community advocating for clean drinking water or Black women calling out disparities within the US medical system or victims of domestic assault highlighting systemic flaws in the criminal justice system? I cite these examples because they are situations in which the victim(s) must persistently produce more and more “evidence” to advocate for themselves in systems that were generally created to ignore or undermine them. They require access to power to affect change.
Again, I totally agree with you. At the end of the day, we are our own vessels of change and that change starts with ourselves and ourselves only. I’m just trying to grapple with applying this to situation I’ve witnessed in which actual victims of [insert situation] must advocate for themselves in way which might be viewed as persistent, repetitive, and sometimes seemingly “redundant” or “annoying” manner. Thanks for creating space for these conversations.