I read this the other day and really wondered, “Have we become so conditioned to see suffering, and then a cat video, and then a funny meme… that we’ve become numb to the state of the world?”
I don’t regularly comment on Substack as everyone has their opinion and I could make it my full-time job to comment on all the Substack articles I read.
Instead, as a newly minted self appointed feature film director I’m 56, and finally making a movie that is in its soul, a personal story that is set in present time, I’m choosing to put my opinions in what I intend to be a piece of my art that reflects back to what’s going on today in a story and how the present day affects the main character who had chosen to immigrate to another country rather than endure exactly the phenomenon you described so eloquently, logically and humanly in this piece.
What you wrote about finding out way back to one another resonated with me deeply, not in that what you said was a novel observation but that these are the same exact feelings I feel.
I had put an IG story out about the economic boycott movement a couple weeks ago in support of the devastation that is occurring in Gaza and the vitriol about it that slipped into my DMs was not only surprising, it was frustrating because as I was merely seeking more clarity in other people’s positions, and they weren’t interested in discourse - onlv that I was totally wrong and brainwashed.
After getting pulled into DM debates, after a few days of back and forth with folks who aren’t even close friends but just IG acquaintances, I finally came to my senses to stop and realize, “wait a minute, I’m not trying to win YOU over, I’m just wanting to lend my support for humanity.
I realized at the same time, that my energy in defending my position in the DM “battlefield” was so futile.
So I go back to the art - where I want to better and more fully express my thoughts about the current days.
I deleted my Instagram account temporarily to take a break from getting sucked into the rabbit hole of all the news that Meta is pulling me into, because, well, at the end of the day, I’m just one of the millions they are pulling data from to sell — that IS the Meta business model and we are giving away all our beings so readily and gratuitously.
Anyway, all this to say, lovely piece that not only landed but doesn’t feel AI wrote it or that it’s just a piece to take advantage of SEO in order to generate more popularity. It felt human and deeply felt.
Ditto. The need to WIN every conversation breaks my heart. I am writing a piece on Rhetorical Dominance. Debating is about dominating, entertaining, sharpening your ideas to win future debates NOT TO HEAL. And when this much harm is being dished out all over the world it seems healing dialogue is needed not rhetorical dominance. I had to tell a colleague to stop trying to convince me and send me their stuff about various conflicts around the world. They kept on anyway and I simply had to block them. The altered state this tech puts me/us in is wild. Thanks for your voice. Sorry you had raised blood pressure and lost time on Instagram DM's and that your nervous system is recovering now that you stepped away. Sending care and kindness your way.
thank you for commenting. Nice to read of someone feeling similar and also doing something about it through a nuanced expression of opinion rather than what is typically now the approach of “let me send you a barrage of social media clips to prove my point in light of my laziness to do meaningful research on the subject.”
Hi Mark - I’ve been following your work for a long time and appreciate you and this post. I’ll note there’s times you’ve posted things in the past that I can tell are from a different perspective, even values system, that I don’t always 100% align with, but I like to think I’m a person that is curious about experiences outside my own, and tries hard to see from another’s shoes in order to inform my own beliefs and values. And so have appreciated those moments from you. This piece is great. I think my personal struggle in reading it (as a transparently moderate, lean left) is that “how do we find our way back to one another” and how we show empathy and “love” (of which love is really the cornerstone of your work) appears, from everything I can see and tell, to be considered by the “right” to be a bug and not a feature. Even Charlie Kirk himself thought empathy was a Western modern bug that we’ve bothered ourselves with. While I agree with very little he had to say, I do believe firmly in anyone’s right to be able to debate and express views that I may vehemently be against, and I also believe in their right to express them without retribution of violence. I appreciate you trying to write a balanced post that correctly points out there are issues and intolerance on every side, and media (social and otherwise) attempts to divide us. But I guess I can’t get past the general rhetoric of leaders, cultural and political, on one side - the right, not the left - that essentially have said that love and empathy are a waste of time, that they take no prisoners. These leaders say they aren’t looking for compromise. They aren’t looking to meet in the middle or have a desire to come back to people that view things differently than them. I should also note I’m coming from America and an American political perspective. And I also am rarely on social media, ha, so maybe I don’t understand the extent to which the “far left” is making extremely divisive statements. But I do generally think left politicians in America take a more moderate, civic tone and a more non-violent tone than those on the right, who often elevate the tension and the violent rhetoric again, as a feature, not a bug. All that to say, I want to call it an equal problem across the board but I struggle and I don’t think it’s correct. At least in this country. And I try REALLY hard to step in their shoes. And ultimately - I feel as you do. I miss the days when I felt like I could talk to “thy neighbor” and not agree but still walk away feeling respect was exchanged on both sides.
Mark, I really appreciate your post, and I appreciate you, so I want to start there.
Ten years ago, I put chairs out on the sidewalk in front of my psychotherapy office in San Francisco. I thought it would be a one-time gesture to make therapy more visible. But to my surprise, I was deeply educated by the experience, and now I can’t stop listening on sidewalks.
That experiment turned into a nonprofit called Sidewalk Talk
, which has seen over 165 local chapters launch. They come and go, mostly because we don’t have large institutional funding. We just finished a listening bus tour across the U.S., and one of our chapter leaders was out listening in Utah this past Saturday. (BTW Project is here www.sidewalk-talk.org)
But I often find myself wondering: Does this make a difference?
The issues you name in your piece: the rise of political violence, the numbing effect of tech, the way media trains us to laugh at human suffering... they really weigh on me. Some days, I’m filled with fire to act. Other days, I feel gutted. What helps is zooming out, reading history, looking at the rise and fall of civilizations, and asking what usually leads to collapse so I can be clear eyed. A new book coming out by Luke Kemp called Goliath's Curse I am eager for it's pub date in a few weeks. I’ve also had to look honestly at how my own trauma shapes how I respond to this moment.
This feels like a moment that is calling all of us to get honest with ourselves.
As a couples therapist for 22 years, I’ve noticed how much of our breakdown is not just psychological, it’s cultural. Couples often don’t even look each other in the eyes anymore. They transact. They scroll. They ghost. They perform. We are losing the art of human connection. We are becoming machines.
I sometimes feel guilty writing a comment instead of walking through the forest behind my house.
I’ve actually had you on my mind lately, especially your frustrations with Instagram.
Omg I have literally said so many times especially since the recent election and my friends who are still democrats losing their damn minds “the far left operates in covert narcissism and the far right in overt narcissism, both are equally toxic.” One is the shadow of the feminine element, imposing its will through emotional manipulation, the other the shadow of the masculine element, imposing its will through force. Both are a wounded, misguided, if not evil expression of will. Anyway, I could say so much more about this important message of yours, thank you for it. I just wanted to comment specifically to that since you’re the first other person I’ve heard use the same terminology. Makes me feel sane and seen. Sincerely, June Corley. A wife, and mom of a toddler, and a person who has not used social media in 3 years but is really grateful I signed up for newsletters from you a long time ago and now get to be blessed by this share in my email inbox. You’re the best. I appreciate you so much. So many blessings your way as you navigate and articulate it allllll.
Completely agree with you Mark. I believe a lot of this has to do with unhealed wounding as well which is seeping into the collective. I also think a lot of people have been desensitised to their own heart and soul through mass media, violent television programs and soulless music. It’s time we find our way back home to ourselves. Thank you for being a voice of reason and higher consciousness. We need that more than ever 🙏💛
Very eloquent and quite appropriate. How do we find our way back to one another? I don't know, no idea really, but I do think that knowing that we need to do so is the first and most important step. I think it will shape the way we view things, and, to some extent, influence our actions and behavior.
Thank you for your post and I also thank everyone that commented. We need this type of dialogue. I am on the same mission. I write personal essays on Finding We - exploring what divides us in search of what can unite us. I have no where else to go. I’m collateral damage in the in cultural, socioeconomic, and political divide. It’s either surrender, martyr or petition as loudly for peace as possible. I’ve chosen the later and am trying to use my own story as an example of how We are getting it wrong but can still find redemption.
Dear Mark,
I don’t regularly comment on Substack as everyone has their opinion and I could make it my full-time job to comment on all the Substack articles I read.
Instead, as a newly minted self appointed feature film director I’m 56, and finally making a movie that is in its soul, a personal story that is set in present time, I’m choosing to put my opinions in what I intend to be a piece of my art that reflects back to what’s going on today in a story and how the present day affects the main character who had chosen to immigrate to another country rather than endure exactly the phenomenon you described so eloquently, logically and humanly in this piece.
What you wrote about finding out way back to one another resonated with me deeply, not in that what you said was a novel observation but that these are the same exact feelings I feel.
I had put an IG story out about the economic boycott movement a couple weeks ago in support of the devastation that is occurring in Gaza and the vitriol about it that slipped into my DMs was not only surprising, it was frustrating because as I was merely seeking more clarity in other people’s positions, and they weren’t interested in discourse - onlv that I was totally wrong and brainwashed.
After getting pulled into DM debates, after a few days of back and forth with folks who aren’t even close friends but just IG acquaintances, I finally came to my senses to stop and realize, “wait a minute, I’m not trying to win YOU over, I’m just wanting to lend my support for humanity.
I realized at the same time, that my energy in defending my position in the DM “battlefield” was so futile.
So I go back to the art - where I want to better and more fully express my thoughts about the current days.
I deleted my Instagram account temporarily to take a break from getting sucked into the rabbit hole of all the news that Meta is pulling me into, because, well, at the end of the day, I’m just one of the millions they are pulling data from to sell — that IS the Meta business model and we are giving away all our beings so readily and gratuitously.
Anyway, all this to say, lovely piece that not only landed but doesn’t feel AI wrote it or that it’s just a piece to take advantage of SEO in order to generate more popularity. It felt human and deeply felt.
Ditto. The need to WIN every conversation breaks my heart. I am writing a piece on Rhetorical Dominance. Debating is about dominating, entertaining, sharpening your ideas to win future debates NOT TO HEAL. And when this much harm is being dished out all over the world it seems healing dialogue is needed not rhetorical dominance. I had to tell a colleague to stop trying to convince me and send me their stuff about various conflicts around the world. They kept on anyway and I simply had to block them. The altered state this tech puts me/us in is wild. Thanks for your voice. Sorry you had raised blood pressure and lost time on Instagram DM's and that your nervous system is recovering now that you stepped away. Sending care and kindness your way.
thank you for commenting. Nice to read of someone feeling similar and also doing something about it through a nuanced expression of opinion rather than what is typically now the approach of “let me send you a barrage of social media clips to prove my point in light of my laziness to do meaningful research on the subject.”
I look forward to reading your pieces when I can.
Cheers to you!
Hi Mark - I’ve been following your work for a long time and appreciate you and this post. I’ll note there’s times you’ve posted things in the past that I can tell are from a different perspective, even values system, that I don’t always 100% align with, but I like to think I’m a person that is curious about experiences outside my own, and tries hard to see from another’s shoes in order to inform my own beliefs and values. And so have appreciated those moments from you. This piece is great. I think my personal struggle in reading it (as a transparently moderate, lean left) is that “how do we find our way back to one another” and how we show empathy and “love” (of which love is really the cornerstone of your work) appears, from everything I can see and tell, to be considered by the “right” to be a bug and not a feature. Even Charlie Kirk himself thought empathy was a Western modern bug that we’ve bothered ourselves with. While I agree with very little he had to say, I do believe firmly in anyone’s right to be able to debate and express views that I may vehemently be against, and I also believe in their right to express them without retribution of violence. I appreciate you trying to write a balanced post that correctly points out there are issues and intolerance on every side, and media (social and otherwise) attempts to divide us. But I guess I can’t get past the general rhetoric of leaders, cultural and political, on one side - the right, not the left - that essentially have said that love and empathy are a waste of time, that they take no prisoners. These leaders say they aren’t looking for compromise. They aren’t looking to meet in the middle or have a desire to come back to people that view things differently than them. I should also note I’m coming from America and an American political perspective. And I also am rarely on social media, ha, so maybe I don’t understand the extent to which the “far left” is making extremely divisive statements. But I do generally think left politicians in America take a more moderate, civic tone and a more non-violent tone than those on the right, who often elevate the tension and the violent rhetoric again, as a feature, not a bug. All that to say, I want to call it an equal problem across the board but I struggle and I don’t think it’s correct. At least in this country. And I try REALLY hard to step in their shoes. And ultimately - I feel as you do. I miss the days when I felt like I could talk to “thy neighbor” and not agree but still walk away feeling respect was exchanged on both sides.
Mark, I really appreciate your post, and I appreciate you, so I want to start there.
Ten years ago, I put chairs out on the sidewalk in front of my psychotherapy office in San Francisco. I thought it would be a one-time gesture to make therapy more visible. But to my surprise, I was deeply educated by the experience, and now I can’t stop listening on sidewalks.
That experiment turned into a nonprofit called Sidewalk Talk
, which has seen over 165 local chapters launch. They come and go, mostly because we don’t have large institutional funding. We just finished a listening bus tour across the U.S., and one of our chapter leaders was out listening in Utah this past Saturday. (BTW Project is here www.sidewalk-talk.org)
But I often find myself wondering: Does this make a difference?
The issues you name in your piece: the rise of political violence, the numbing effect of tech, the way media trains us to laugh at human suffering... they really weigh on me. Some days, I’m filled with fire to act. Other days, I feel gutted. What helps is zooming out, reading history, looking at the rise and fall of civilizations, and asking what usually leads to collapse so I can be clear eyed. A new book coming out by Luke Kemp called Goliath's Curse I am eager for it's pub date in a few weeks. I’ve also had to look honestly at how my own trauma shapes how I respond to this moment.
This feels like a moment that is calling all of us to get honest with ourselves.
As a couples therapist for 22 years, I’ve noticed how much of our breakdown is not just psychological, it’s cultural. Couples often don’t even look each other in the eyes anymore. They transact. They scroll. They ghost. They perform. We are losing the art of human connection. We are becoming machines.
I sometimes feel guilty writing a comment instead of walking through the forest behind my house.
I’ve actually had you on my mind lately, especially your frustrations with Instagram.
I wanted to share something I wrote recently not for branding or marketing but my heart made me so sorry for it being a PDF on LinkedIn on political violence. https://www.linkedin.com/posts/traciruble_what-we-can-do-to-stop-political-violence-activity-7371896006185099267--E4u?utm_source=social_share_send&utm_medium=member_desktop_web&rcm=ACoAAAAEFfYBmrwUca2didbLAUI4cOhZWj3APfM
Oddly enough, it seems like Jonathan Haidt might have the clearest idea yet. Get kids off phones, and then get the rest of us off too.
Thanks for being someone who dares to feel, dares to name what’s wrong, and dares to imagine something more human.
Omg I have literally said so many times especially since the recent election and my friends who are still democrats losing their damn minds “the far left operates in covert narcissism and the far right in overt narcissism, both are equally toxic.” One is the shadow of the feminine element, imposing its will through emotional manipulation, the other the shadow of the masculine element, imposing its will through force. Both are a wounded, misguided, if not evil expression of will. Anyway, I could say so much more about this important message of yours, thank you for it. I just wanted to comment specifically to that since you’re the first other person I’ve heard use the same terminology. Makes me feel sane and seen. Sincerely, June Corley. A wife, and mom of a toddler, and a person who has not used social media in 3 years but is really grateful I signed up for newsletters from you a long time ago and now get to be blessed by this share in my email inbox. You’re the best. I appreciate you so much. So many blessings your way as you navigate and articulate it allllll.
right on! so many truth lines in this post...well-turned, helpful and convicting.
Completely agree with you Mark. I believe a lot of this has to do with unhealed wounding as well which is seeping into the collective. I also think a lot of people have been desensitised to their own heart and soul through mass media, violent television programs and soulless music. It’s time we find our way back home to ourselves. Thank you for being a voice of reason and higher consciousness. We need that more than ever 🙏💛
Feeling this so much🙏🏼❤️
Very eloquent and quite appropriate. How do we find our way back to one another? I don't know, no idea really, but I do think that knowing that we need to do so is the first and most important step. I think it will shape the way we view things, and, to some extent, influence our actions and behavior.
Thank you for your post and I also thank everyone that commented. We need this type of dialogue. I am on the same mission. I write personal essays on Finding We - exploring what divides us in search of what can unite us. I have no where else to go. I’m collateral damage in the in cultural, socioeconomic, and political divide. It’s either surrender, martyr or petition as loudly for peace as possible. I’ve chosen the later and am trying to use my own story as an example of how We are getting it wrong but can still find redemption.