Would you live under a bridge?
Recently I was talking to a friend about their relationship challenges, and they were expressing how their financial hardships have impacted their relationship. In the discussion, he shared that his inability to provide was bringing a lot of shame for him, and his partner wanting to leave because he was feeling really challenged in his business — this had him feeling like the relationship was only as secure as his income. With the stress of the financial situation already being a lot for him to hold, now his relationship was dissolving too.
We choose to be in relationship for many reasons, and financial reasons are often a large factor for people, whether they like to admit it or are even conscious of it.
Look, I’m not shaming the need for security, but if at the basis of the relationship success is financial success, that’s a conditional relationship. And a relationship that ends the moment we encounter financial struggles doesn’t have the psychological safety that is required to fully open up and surrender into love and connection. Imagine hearing amidst your financials stresses, “Hey babe. No matter what happens financially, we’re a team, and we’ll figure it out. We’ll live under a bridge if we have to.”
Phew. I can feel the exhale that comes from this level of choice and commitment. Two people standing side-by-side facing the world makes both individuals stronger. The union gives us more courage because so many of our leaps into the abyss we never do for fear of not belonging. But if you belong to yourself, and in turn, your relationship is a place of unconditional belonging, you are indestructible.
You will access a level of bravery that gives birth to authentic expression at a level very few know or have felt or experienced. Not only are you creating it by your way of being, but your relationship is invited to step into a sacred space known by few.
When I came to Ky and said, “Hey… speaking up about what’s going on with Covid and vaccines is really impacting my business. I need to share the stress this is creating with the recognition that I can be silent to play the game and trade in my integrity, or I can keep sharing my thoughts, feelings and insights and the intersection of psychological nudge tactics and my experience in Pharma.”
To which Ky replied, “Burn it all down if you have to. Anything that requires you to trade your integrity isn’t worth it. You do what you need to do. We’ll figure it out.”
She valued my voice. She valued my insight. She honoured my integrity. This made me more powerful. It made me know what I knew deep down — I don’t want anything that requires me not to be me. I refuse to bend due to psychological manipulation and the weaponization of algorithms and shadow bans. I’ll figure it out. I’ll create another business if I have to — one where the foundation is based on a shared value of liberation.
Well, that business is this business… which is the business of being myself.
This conversation I had with my friend brought me to a place of introspection that has made me realize how we need that level of commitment to everything in our lives, including, and especially, our relationships.
And if, god forbid, a circumstance arises that brings up the conditions we didn’t know about that the relationship unconsciously requires be present, then that is an opportunity for us to step into unconditional love together, or not.
This is a big loss, and grief arises as we come to the recognition of our relationship circumstances. AND, what an opportunity to create a love, life, family, and community that honours truth, kindness, respect, curiosity, unconditional love, and all the delicious things that come when we know we are stronger together.
This isn’t about not needing money or some sense of financial security; it’s about knowing that needing that isn’t synonymous with needing each other.
If I love you I’ll walk the edges of life with you. I’ll hold your hand as I navigate the deep waters of the unknown.
Grateful for the relationship Kylie and I continue to cultivate and create. Thank you, my love.
A relationship that honours individual and shared liberation is one that both choose to be in. And they can choose to leave at any time. This is the risk present with any relationship; the challenge is most relationships don’t acknowledge the immensity of this truth, so we attempt to use control tactics to keep the relationship together. Vows and promises are beautiful, but they really mean nothing if one doesn’t honour and acknowledge the sacred and powerful nature of choice to be committed to our own growth, as well as the growth of our partnership.
Ironically abundance in love and all the things seems to arrive when we step into this level of commitment to bringing the totality of ourselves to the world.
I’m here for it. Are you?