We're Doing Healing Wrong
Learning about healing isn't the same as actually healing
All of the healing work you do is really preparation for what actual healing is… what I mean by that is that it’s important to learn the tactical things like:
What is a boundary? What does a boundary sound like?
What patterns do I play out in relationships? Why am I drawn to the people I’m drawn to?
Why does _____ trigger me? How do I engage with people when I’m triggered?
How do I separate what is my trauma from what is my truth/intuition?
But these are just informational. They provide you with context, pathology, and also the language that is necessary to create change.
BUT YOU HAVE TO CHANGE.
I see now that all the books I’ve read and all the courses and trainings I’ve done — they’ve all been incredible. But they would be useless if I didn’t implement what I learned into my life.
The reality is that most people invest in their healing while never actually healing. They spin their wheels with more podcasts and retreats, while never changing their lives… never changing who they choose… never changing their own behaviours in relationships… and never fully letting go of their vices.
Look, if this is you, you’re in good company. I have been you…
And I’ll never forget the moment I was showering where I thought to myself, “it doesn’t feel good to my heart and body to be making some of the choices I’ve been making.”
I had thought this thought before… but up until that moment in the shower, I had never considered that I could just stop doing what I was doing!
I know this sounds crazy… but I also know that 100% of the people I work with know what they need to change. Sure, they might need clarity, guidance and accountability on the tactical stuff, and some reflections as to why they find themselves where they are… but the real work is in being who you desire to be by making the choices in your life that will create that person, and ultimately the outcomes you want in your life.
I might sound like a broken record with this, but it bears repeating over and over and over again:
You are sitting on a goldmine of knowledge that is fucking itching to be implemented. There is a future version of you who is trying to pull you towards your highest potential…
But your vices will interrupt your relationship with him/her.
And your busyness will eradicate all the silence you need to hear him/her.
And your endless healing journey will distract you from actual healing.
And that’s okay… until it isn’t.
And it isn’t.
Read the books and listen to the podcasts and join the retreats and the groups and all the things… I’ve had profound awarenesses from all of the above.
And then live what you learn. NOW. Immediately.
This is how you let go → by taking the wisdom and knowledge garnered from what you’ve been through and translating it into who you are.
We only hold on to things that we haven’t fully alchemized.
Let’s get alchemical you dirty little alchemist.
ps. speaking of groups… I have ONE spot left for my small group mastermind that starts next Tuesday, June 2nd. If you are itching to bring your gifts to the world, and would love to be held accountable for FINALLY showing up and doing the thing… I GOT YOU. All the details for the mastermind are here.
pps. If you’re not ready to change, and not ready to go all-in, this isn’t for you. This is for someone who is tired of waiting for their life to come to them. Let’s get to work if that’s you → apply here!
This is such a strong naming of the gap between learning about healing and actually living differently.
In my work with women, this is the layer I keep seeing: implementation matters, but many patterns are driven by unresolved nervous-system predictions about safety, belonging, rejection, loss, or consequences.
That’s why awareness and sincere intention can still fail to translate into change. The deeper shift happens when the prediction beneath the pattern resolves, so the body no longer has to keep organizing around the same old danger.
Then change becomes something the whole system can actually follow.
Thank you for keeping this conversation going. So much of my Substack is about reclaiming agency, reconnecting to essence and creating your life from the inside out, step by step, much like art.
I share my lived experiences and how I have done this because there is so much preaching out there with zero lived teaching behind it and I feel that is what people really need in order to finally trust their own knowing.