Short Form Content is Killing Long Term Love
Let's dive into how convenience culture is shaping expectations in love (& what you can do about it!)
I have been thinking a lot about how technology has been impacting us both culturally and individually — how is it impacting dating and relationships? I hear a lot of complaints about people not wanting anything serious… or how starting conversations with a match just leads nowhere… and how ghosting is rampant.
I hear you, and I hear your frustrations. And, we can blame algorithms and apps and human behaviour all we want… but the truth is, if you and I want different, we ourselves have to embody it. I’m all for complaining about the circumstances of the world… and while I think love, long-term relationships, family, and community have all experienced a massive disruption, I am a firm believer that nature is always trying to make us better — as individuals and as a species. There are so many amazing benefits to technology; however, if we aren’t mindful of the ways in which we are engaging with it, it will hijack our dopamine pathways and have us conditioned to expect convenience, ease, and simplicity in love… but love is almost always not those things.
It is my belief that short-form content and social media are inhibiting our ability to create long-term, deep partnership. These technologies are literally shaping our attention spans to be shorter… we label this as some sort of dysfunction within ourselves — we have “ADHD”… and yet, what we really have is a brain that is responding to the stimuli we give it.
We are doing this to ourselves, and then looking to pharma and whatever else to resolve what can only be truly resolved through our own behaviours.
I can’t be the only one who feels the emptiness that the doom scroll creates? We can feel ourselves enter a trance state… where hours go by and we’re not even being mindful of what sort of imagery we’re allowing into our eyes. “Where our attention goes, energy flows.”
Share values of companies like Meta and TikTok go up with each second you spend consuming content, as your own life force goes down, and your inflammation skyrockets.
You and I were not designed to become so vacant. We can’t give away discernment over our minds and souls and expect our bodies not to react and throw up red flags.
We are creating asexual, asocial, boring, average content, and porn-consuming zombies who just sit mindlessly, saying they desire love, yet expecting it to meet them in mediocrity.
We get what we want, when we want it (or not): an algorithm with perfectly designed reels and images for our tastes, food delivered right to our door, romantic matches that arrive on our phone while we sit on our couch. The frictions of life that forced us to learn how to relate, that taught us we don’t get everything we want all the time when we want it, are necessary to create great love.
Because great love is often not convenient. It doesn’t tell you what you want to hear. Confronting your wounds doesn’t feel good.
You and I need to take charge of our minds, our attention, and where we place it.
If you want to create great love, you have to sit through boredom. If you want to heal a wound from your past, you have to learn how to be uncomfortable.
We are tired of social media because it doesn’t reflect great love or a great life. The grit of community and connection is that we are not all the same… and in that is both challenge and opportunity.
“The first thing you should know about me is that I am not you. A lot more will make sense after that.” ~ Unknown
If you want great love, you have to be willing to be uncomfortable… and that means looking at all the ways you run from yourself… including your phone.
You have to be willing to own your addictions and name what is true about what behaviours you engage in that are in opposition of what you say you want.
I’m curious what you think is happening in relationships that you’re concerned about? What are you excited about?
What do you think is the most worrisome impact of technology on love, and what is your proposed solution?
I want to tap into our shared, communal brilliance, so please comment and let us know your thoughts!
Also, from a physiological perspective, there is a way out… I’m currently developing a protocol looking at daily, weekly, quarterly, and annual strategies to take charge of our attention again and create regulation in our systems. To decide our relationship to technology so it doesn’t decide for us… Stay tuned on that.
Until then, you can join me in Moab for a rafting trip where we’ll leave our phones in our bags, raise our eyes to the horizon, hang in community, sing around the fire, hike, eat delicious food, and remind our own beings and one another what it truly means to be alive, be present, and feel the full range of the present moment. There are a couple of spots left, and it’s only three weeks away. If you’re feeling called, this is your chance. Go here to find out more, and feel free to comment or reply with any questions.
With love,
Mark
I hear a lot about how people's partners are not "checking enough boxes". I think there is a misunderstanding in todays culture that we should match with a partner who fulfills every need of ours. We forget that if we are going into relationship whole, then a partner is ADDITIVE to our life experience. If we have family, friends, hobbies, passions...a partner can provide a source of love for us that these things do not, but they aren't meant to be our only source of fulfillment.
This really resonates with me, and I agree with so much of what you’re sharing. When you ask, “What’s happening in relationships that concerns you?” I can’t help but reflect on a few things I’ve noticed. It feels like there’s a growing fear of commitment, fueled in part by the paradox of choice—especially with dating apps. There’s this constant sense that something (or someone) better might be just a swipe away, which makes it hard for people to fully invest in the person in front of them.
And even when people do get into relationships, I’ve noticed a tendency to bail at the first sign of difficulty. It’s as if challenges are seen as proof that the relationship isn’t “right” or that the person isn’t “the one.” But the truth is, there’s no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect relationship. Our greatest loves will inevitably bring up our deepest triggers and traumas—that’s part of the deal. Teaching people that healthy love doesn’t mean the absence of conflict, but rather the presence of commitment, communication, and growth, feels so important. Disagreements and challenges aren’t signs of failure; they’re opportunities to deepen intimacy and understanding.
That said, I’m also incredibly hopeful. I’m so excited to see more people becoming conscious of their childhoods, their patterns, and their wounds—and recognizing relationships as a space for healing and growth. While it’s not universal, I do see a shift happening. Those who are stepping into relationships are doing so with more intention, more depth, and a willingness to truly show up. They’re looking beyond surface-level compatibility and embracing the kind of love that’s raw, real, and deeply fulfilling.
It’s beautiful to witness, and it gives me so much hope for what’s possible when we approach love with open hearts and open minds.