My Top Lessons of 2023

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to the end of a year and thought, “Well, that was an easy one.”

I know that the sign of a good year or a good life isn’t necessarily ease…. because being fully present to life isn’t easy. Keeping our hearts open amidst the suffering of the world and the challenges in our lives isn’t easy. But for me, it is the goal. How do I keep my heart open? How do I come back to grace? How do I continue to become more of myself, especially when my self-expression pushes up against the self-expression of others? 

Lesson 1:

I recently got back from the jungles in Peru on a plant medicine journey (diving deeper in a solo episode soon! Subscribe to the pod here so you don’t miss it!)

Before each ceremony, I would create intentions and a question I wanted to focus on, and in one of the ceremonies, I had this awareness, “All of your questions are future-oriented. You want answers to where to go in your life and what to do in the future, but you don’t even live fully now. You don’t even live the answers we provide you now."

Bam. Holy eff. 

Most of us spend our present moments wishing and thinking about a future one. I’ve known this cognitively, and in ways, this idea has rescued me from not being present before… but I had fallen back into the trap of not being HERE, NOW.

I suppose it’s no irony that one of my favourite teachers, Ram Dass, has the slogan, “Be here now.” 

So my intention in my life right now has become to be fully immersed in what is. To be fully present with the people I’m with and the moments I’m in. This means more planning around creating more intentional boundaries surrounding technology and social media, and more listening to the messages I receive NOW.

Our intuition isn’t about the future; it’s about guiding our path for the next few steps. It’s about shining a light on what is currently in our lives. It is drawing us towards a future we cannot yet see because it doesn’t yet exist, but we can feel. This is what it means to trust. I needed to remember that. I hope that is supportive for you.

What are you being asked to become now? What guidance have you received that you haven’t implemented yet? In what ways does the future rob you of being present?

Lesson 2:

Commitment is powerful medicine… And it only works if you do it.

In 2023 I’ve been exploring what it truly means to be committed. Kylie and I got married in February in Sedona… and my love for her has me exploring what’s possible where there’s no other choice but the choice we’ve made. What kind of safety can be created? How would we orient to the challenges in our relationship knowing we’re committed to repairing and growing and continuing to dive deeper into ourselves and each other?

I’ve known my whole life how to use language to negotiate what commitments I make or to weasel my way out of keeping my word. I’m used to not keeping my word. I’m used to not following through or following up. 

I have more learnings coming on that… but what I’ve learned thus far in 2023 is that to truly commit to something/someone is a sacred act. It’s an act of self-love, an act of self-respect, and it’s an act of love to another. Most of us kinda commit. We give ourselves outs. We are used to not following through… and that just becomes our “normal.” Our way of being. We’re used to letting ourselves and others down and having no real perceived consequence. Well, I’m learning that this means not only can others not trust our word… but we can’t trust our own word. And that’s the most important. These are very real consequences.

I think about how correlated this is to our mental health. If you can’t trust you, you are going to feel lost in relationships, the world, and your life.

Do you keep your word? Where do you allow grey in your language? What is possible for you if you did everything you said? If you treated your relationships, your life, and yourself as sacred?

Lesson 3:

Being a dad has been incredible. The love for my son has fuelled this exploration to commitment and to keeping my word. I know that what I say will teach him some things, and what I do will teach him others, and those two things matching will teach him everything. I think about how important it is that when he reaches out, the people he loves are there for him. I have a deeper compassion for single parents and wonder, how the heck do you do it? This has led me and Ky to really feel into the yearning and necessity for village and tribe. That saying, “It takes a village” is more true now to me than ever. 

We are not meant to hold our world alone. We are not meant to be islands. Whether we have kids or not, we need people around us who offer, “Can I help carry that for you?” Whether it’s a child or grief, we need other people… full stop.

So I wonder:
Do you ask for help? Do you let yourself be supported? In what ways could you lean on others?
Do you reach out to those close to you and offer to help them hold things? How can they be supported best?

Kylie and I will really focus on creating more offerings in 2024 that involve community and in-person events (digital for those where geography is an issue).

Lesson 4:

An attendee at my last retreat in Tofino shared the concept of being a “main character” in our lives. This concept, I think is very relatable for many of us. Often we’re not even on the casting list in our own lives… they are designed around others. Even the “self” is a construct that is about keeping the peace and making sure everyone else is taken care of. But what about you?

In another one of my plant medicine journeys, the question hit me square in the third eye: WHO IS LEADING YOU?

In 2021-2023 in a lot of ways, I stepped out of the leadership position in my own life and my own business. This, in hindsight, has clearly been necessary for me to step more fully into my voice and the foundation of myself. It would be easy to shame what has felt like a somewhat rudderless existence… where the external circumstances have had me being more reactive than proactive. Spending our lives on our heels is not a way to live. It takes falling on our a*s to right the ship and say, “Hellllllll no. I’m going to choose my life. I’m going to claim my purpose. I’m going to say YES, finally, to what is being asked of me."

It’s not a “yes” that only occurs in one moment. It’s the constant and consistent way of orienting to the invitation life offers us. 2024 will be a YES YES YES YES YES year. And I’m the lead character in my life. This isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Without a “self,” you can’t fully relate to others because there will always be a part of them operating in the space of you. People we’re in relationship with should be in our orbit, not be the planet we orbit around. 

Are you the main character in your life?
What would need to change in you and around you for you to become that?
What feelings come up for you when you explore this concept? Grief? Excitement? Hope? Fear? Journal on these feelings and where they’re sourced from. Often it is how the changes we want to make in our lives may impact relationships that cause us to stay stuck in the life we currently have. It’s not about eradicating these feelings but rather being with them.

Sending you so much love. Thank you for walking through this life alongside me. It is through relationship to others that we are made stronger.

I want you to know that you can create and become everything you desire. That sometimes, you need to create the community you seek. That when you become the main character of your life, and you use the power of love to motivate keeping your word to yourself and others, you restore trust in yourself, and you become the type of person that creates everything they want. Stop running from the life you desire. Walk into it with grace.

With love and grace right back at you,
Mark